Colorful Reviews - Back Again For The First Time

Karen Scott has blogged about how at times she’s bored with mainstream romance novels. In that vein, an interesting discussion occurred at the AAR board regarding why some readers are drawn to “sub-genre” of erotic romance. Here are some of my favorite responses:

1. I read them becaue they put me in the mood for sex. I have been a cold fish for over ten years. Hobby’s number one complain is not enough sex. Since I picked up reading romance, our sex life is great. I never had orgasm after being married for 18 years, now I tell my hobby what to do and I have orgasm regularly. Our marrage is much better now we are good in bed. - Julie H

2. I think that for me it touches a bit with both reality and fantasy. In many erotic romances, I think the sex is somewhat more realistic than in mainstream. In my lexicon a c*ck is a c*ock, not a manhood…If my husband refered to his anatomy as a manhood, I’d laugh my butt off. It’s messier, and sweatier in many erotic romances.

But it also has to do with fantasy. In mainstream romance, the s*x depicted is s*x I’ve had(blush). I’ve been there in my own reality. In erotic romance I get to “walk on the wild side” so to speak. Things that in real life I would never do, but my fantasy self has wondered about, are depicted. And when it works, it works for me very well. - Samantha

3. I’d like to read about more heroines who are in charge of their own sexuality, heroines who don’t need to experience their first orgasm or their sexual awakening at the hands of the hero. And I’m hoping that the popularity of erotic romance will lead more writers to take a chance on sexually confident heroines, especially in historical romance, where it is currently very difficult to find them. - LFL

4. I have enjoyed some titles from Ellora’s Cave. I know this sounds like a guy’s explanation for reading Playboy and all, but I read it for the story…with a whole lot of sex thrown in. Seriously, the book has to have a plot that appeals to me. Also, I have to be in the mood for erotica. I have quite a number of Ellora’s titles and some Black Lace that I have yet to read. On the other hand, I’ve tried to read The Sleeping Beautry Chronicles by Ann Rice and they were way too kinky and weird for me. There are many levels of erotica. The ones that appeal to me are still very close to straight romance…like Ellora’s Cave. - Rose

Question time: what kind of real life, healthy, romance, marriage or love affair, happily exists without passionate sex? None of my romantic relationships could have flourished without a strong sexual connection, does that make me a freak? Passionate sex is a necessary part of any romantic relationship - heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. Even masturbation requires a good understanding of your erogenous zones! Satisfying sex definitely takes many shapes and forms - not everyone wants to be tied up and whipped, while some need or desire more stimulation to become aroused.

However, labeling erotic romances as “exotic” is a bit ridiculous. What’s exotic about sex? Maybe part of the problems between men and women within relationships is that we have been socialized to believe that as different sexes, we should respond differently to sexual pleasure. At the crudest, women equate sexual pleasure as something they give to men, bartering with their significant other in order to receive their true desires - love, comfort and companionship. What would the world look like if women sought out their sexual fulfillment in the same candid way that men did (a lot less bitchy women going around, maybe)?. Perhaps if more women were as forthright about what pleased them (and experimented to find that medium), they’d find it easier to be on an equal plane with their male partners in other areas of their relationship.

A newsflash for many women: Love and Sex are not synonymous. A man CAN cheat on you, and yet love you with all his heart and never want to leave you, trust that! When we choose a partner, we don’t deny our desires for other people, we state that we will only quench our desires in a way that ourselves and our partners are comfortable with — be that monogamy, occasional birthday ménages, or regular swinger activities. Heterosexual women who are not willing to talk with their men about fulfilling each other’s sexual desires will, no doubt, be caught surprised when they finally catch their men straying. My gift to a woman who isn’t comfortable with sex, or who isn’t as tuned into her sexual nature is a nice steamy, erotic romance read (for those already in the know, I usually gift them with a coupon to buy a grown-up toy). Women need to be reading erotic romances, where they can safely and comfortably learn about what would possibly arouse them further. While never a prude, I can honestly agree with a commenter, that erotic romances have opened my eyes about some forms of sexual activity that I like and don’t like.

Interestingly enough, erotic romances are also what have opened up my mind to ideas about sexuality, especially love between the same sex and non-traditional relationships. We are socialized to believe, across cultures and religions, that a certain type of relationship is more acceptable than another and that there are certain relationships that are more valuable than others. Within erotic romances, all relationships are valued and everyone can find something that they enjoy. To see the love and desire between two men, you have to wonder how anyone can believe it is right to lawfully restrict that union. The love between two persons should never be a political discussion, although we know that who and in what ways we choose to love each other will always be a political bartering chip for many in choosing our government leaders. Yet for those who truly believe in a separation of the public and private, and for who seek a more honest and open, understanding of love, sex and relationships, erotic romances form that place of resistance and freedom.

Hopefully during my grandniece’s generation we’ll be asking: Why don’t you read erotic romances?

Wishing you erotic awakenings, Solaine

This entry was posted on Monday, May 29th, 2006 at 3:19 pm and is filed under You. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.